The Maali

This is life as usual in my home town -   My dad messages me "the maali was offering to bring over a cow that was going for cheap. Mom refused."
While I hysterically laugh at the fact that a cow is being marketed around as casually as a piece of furniture, it seems to have been taken with remarkable equanimity by my dad. 
It set me thinking about other such weird happenings in the hinterland. Officially the city is classified as a Tier 2 city. Reality defies easy categorization so a recounting of the happenings even I find amusing seems a better way for everyone to draw their own conclusions. This is the maali episode. 
The aforementioned, cow-bartering maali also moonlights as a watchman for the house. So he finishes up his gardening duties which mostly consist of abandoning the garden to fetch things from the market on the whims of my mom, then he disappears for a few hours and turns up post dinner and goes to sleep in a little cabin. To his credit, he definitely looks the part of a ferocious guard so if any potential chor decides to check a darkened cabin before robbing the house he will surely be scared by his sleeping countenance. 
At least for a while the maali/nightwatchman double agent thing worked. But then it turns out he also turns into a kleptomaniac every Tuesday because that's the day the bottle gets the better of him. So one Tuesday, inevitably, shenanigans ensued and he got fired. I still think it's a shame because even though he wasn't much of a security guard he certainly looked the part and every Tuesday some entertainment was assured. 

More episodes of "life in a small town" to follow!

You know you're from a small town when....

1. When you go back to visit, within an hour of your arrival, most people you know have heard that you're in town. Without you ever telling anyone explicitly

2. When your parents and their friends sit and talk it's not unusual to hear stories dating way back from THEIR high school days 30-40 years ago

3. You have credit with almost all the neighbourhood stores, and some of the ones in the 'main market' as well.

4. Any place more than 2 km away is 'far'.

5. Your provisions & groceries are almost always bought from the local store or sabji-waala, who more often than not lands up with his cart right at your door every morning

6. When some random person in some random location of the world asks if you happen to know such-and-such person because he happens to be from the same town as you, the most likely answer is 'yes'.

7. The streets or roads don't have distinct names or if they do, no one uses them except when they really have to write their address.

8. Cyclerickshaws!

9. Seeing an odd horse, camel or elephant casually stroll down your street doesn't invite comment.

10. You mostly shop in multi-local-brand stores in which the shop owner stands behind a counter and pulls out stuff from shelves to show to you. When you don't know what you want he'll patiently pull out every single item from the shelves if need be.

11. The idea of international cuisine is Indian Chinese & at the most - Pizzas. MNC chain restaurants exist but people dress up to go to them.

12. A rickety chair under a shady tree functions as a perfectly good barber shop.

13. Frequent battles are waged amongst the women over the house help since everyone knows where and who they work for.

...

13 seems a good number to stop at. Would love additions to this so do contribute, esp if you're from a small town. (does that amount to town-ism?)