Contraband

If there's a way of making sure everyone knows you've bought stuff that you don't want to go around displaying in public - putting the thing into a black plastic bag is it
Theoretically it works wonderfully. The bag is opaque and black, no one would ever know what's in it. The catch is - everyone invariably does because that trick is about the oldest in the book.

Put something into a black plastic bag and suddenly you're as conspicuous as if you were walking around in yellow pants and a purple shirt with a board on your head that said "Look at me" in bold red letters.

I'm sure it started out as a sensible enough practice - but it's now become such a cliche that it has the exact opposite effect; instead of general public never getting to know there's almost a 100% change that they will, in fact, know exactly what's in the bag.

So the next time I go to buy a harmless bottle of wine as a housewarming present, I am going to carry my own bag. A transparent one at that.

Tech-savvy

I realized today that I should never underestimate my mom's abilities to cause endless and unintentional amusement especially when it concerns technology.
I got a frantic call from her today and the conversation that followed went something like this:
Mom: Listen!
Me: uh.. yeah?
Mom: What's a blueberry?
Me: a blueberry? what? a BLUEBERRY?
Mom: yes
Me: Well, it's.... you know.....a fruit.
Mom: No NO, not a fruit.
Me: Sure it's a fruit.
Mom: It can't be a fruit because I'm buying you one for your birthday
Me: you're sending me FRUIT for my birthday?
Mom: Listen, your cousin just gave a blueberry to her father and I want to give you one as well.
*Realization dawns!!!*
Me (choking with laughter): you mean a blackberry?!!!!
Mom: Yes that, fine I'm sending you a blueberry for your birthday then?
Me: it's a BLACKBERRY

Anyway, ultimately I convinced her that it was a blackberry and I didn't need one. I'm fairly sure though that if I call her tomorrow and ask her the name it will still be blueberry.