Why I like shopping for books over shopping for clothes

You don't have to try them on.

One size fits all.

I don't have to care whether the book:
- clashes with my complexion
- makes me look fat
- is dry clean only
- is season appropriate
- will go out of style next season
- fades, shrinks or bleeds colour

Glue and tape are the only things needed to repair any damages.

I can't complain about not having a pair of shoes to go along with a particular book.

And the best of them all - never, under no circumstances, ever needs to be bloody IRONED.

Doctors' Daughters

A small town in western UP - the so called heart of North India - where ( I learned later) patriarchy rules, sons are revered, girls are an embarrassment and women who beget them even more so, is not a place I should be proud to call home. And I am not, but I am proud of having a family and being surrounded by people who made it possible for me to grow up completely oblivious to the inherent gender bias existing in that town, the country and in that indefinable institution which rules all our actions - society. 

The first time I got a hint of this bias was when the next door aunty's grown up son (a doctor)  got married and his wife delivered their first child. We were all sitting in the the verandah of our house when my dad spotted the said aunty walking back from the nursing home with a dejected face and pronouned immediately 'it must have been a girl'. I remember that moment because the realization that a girl child could cause sorrow hit me in full force for the first time. It was difficult to process and unpleasant to think about. I didn't dwell on it much because I heard my father gleefully declare how aunty should have been ready for this because, didn't she know, most doctors in our town had two daughters and how he sincerely hoped the second one would be a daughter too.

Before that day I had no scale or comparative measure, no stereotypes to limit my imagination, opinion or activities. I was never told there were games, jobs and hobbies that 'girls' did and another set that 'boys' did. I grew up hanging out with all the kids in our colony where all of us ran around like maniacs and played games like hide n seek, tag and other games with ludicrous names like 'crocodile-crocodile', 'tippy tippy top', 'iron-touch-wood', 'dog n bone', 'poshampah' which mostly involved more running around like maniacs. We played 'chor-sipahi' too, girls and boys alike.Many times  the ring leader role of this rag tag bunch ended up being played by my elder sister who in supreme fairness was omni-tyrannical to girls and boys alike. The only concessions made were due to age, not gender.  I had a He-Man doll as well as Barbies. We played cricket and set up our Barbie paraphernalia with equal joy. 

What saddens me is that I should now feel that I had a privileged childhood instead of one that should be the right of every little girl. I shudder every time I see subtle hints of differential treatment meted out to the girls and boys and all the more because I see it in friends, acquaintances and yes,  family. I boil with rage when a random aunty at Amsterdam airport looks enquiringly at my mom, who's proudly declaring that she has two daughters, and obligingly supplies, "and a son?". 

So here's a very heartfelt gratitude to those people who, whether they were conscious of it or not, provided me the environment where I could be independent, opinionated and and grow up as just a child, not a girl child. And a special thank you for never saying 'we brought you up like sons' as if we were meant to be a substitute. 

Facebook, Marriages and Political Correctness.

There's an emergent branch of social behaviour which I summarize as - How to Behave on Facebook when you're Married. Being in a state that is not even in the same galaxy as 'married', these are merely my observations. 

Some Basics 

'Like' every status update of your spouse. It's apparently a reaffirmation of the relationship. The one you just cemented by MARRYING them. But still, why take chances. Since it's quite unlikely you live in the same house, it's perfectly understandable that they might not know you like what they said. Just to make it doubly sure you could comment on it too. 

'Like' every picture posted by your spouse. Especially if it's of a meal lovingly cooked or a present thoughtfully bought by her/him. Extra points if you're the one posting the pic and then thanking your better half publicly by tagging them. Because what good is a thank you when not subject to the admiration of everyone on your friend list. 

Be proficient at judging the other person's mood by carefully monitoring their facebook updates. If they posted a ':(' on their wall or an update about their day, which you missed out because you couldn't be bothered to check were working - be warned!  "But it was on my FaceBook", has been recently inducted into the 'Glossary of Valid Arguments' by the Worldwide Associate of Marriage Counselors. 

The icing

On anniversaries and more importantly birthdays you have to wish your spouse by updating your own status and mentioning her/him in it. You can post on their wall in addition, but only posting on their wall just won't do. It's sort of like when tabloids and gossip magazines publish birthday wishes for celebrities and then give their readers the option of wishing them too in their comment section. 

The cherry

This, pardon my bakery analogies, really takes the cake. Extra brownie points all round and pretty high returns when you invest a little bit of time 'liking' and dropping in a few comments on the posts/photos/activities of the extended family.   A quick guide:

Siblings & Parents - Always 'like'. Frequently comment. Tag them in a post or two and you're golden. 

Cousins - 'Like', without fail. Invite them to visit you at every chance you get. Even if it's while commenting on their picture of a manhole cover they found particularly interesting. 

Aunts & Uncles - 'Like' most of the time. Always wish them on anniversaries and birthdays. Throw in an occasional comment on how they are getting younger by the day. 

I dare say someday I might be guilty of some or all the above. When that happens,  Orwellian-like, I will come back and delete this post. 

Motel Life

When dinner is a diet coke and a KitKat from the vending machine. And just to give your life that extra, thrilling edge you get the extra crispy KitKat.

Cliches that make me cringe

1. Time flies : it doesn't. Not always. Sometimes it crawls excruciatingly slowly. Yes, I used a double adverb. It flies only in hindsight when you have the luxury of not feeling like you're tied to chair with a fire lit beneath it and watching an ant crawl across a barbed wire fence and only when the ant makes it safely to the other side can you be untied from the chair. I often used to get this feeling in an Organic Chemistry class.

2. Last but not the least: Overdone, inelegant and gives the feeling of the speaker or writer apologizing when there is no need.

3. Life is a roller coaster: What was the the equivalent of this phrase before roller coasters were invented?

4. You live and learn: Speaking entirely from personal experience - I beg to differ. I like Douglas Adams' take on it - "You live and learn. At any rate, you live."

5. Tomorrow is another day: Well, unless you're The Doctor, it can't be the same day can it?

Displaced Desi... or When I Became a Statistic

It's been almost a year since I moved to Detroit from Pune and to my horror I've realized that I've become a faceless, nameless statistic with a certain set of characteristics that hold true for that particular set. 

I am now an IT employee who has relocated from 'offshore' to 'onsite' in an intra company transfer to work at a 'client site' in America. In my own head I used to have a very clear definition of people who fell under this category and all the cliches and quirks attached to their life and behaviour in the US. The only comfort (if at all) I derive out of the realization that a lot of these cliches have come to hold true for me as well is that at least I'm self aware. It's sort of like watching yourself fall off a cliff in slow motion and deriving some sort of perverse satisfaction from the fact that you can see yourself falling unlike some poor idiot who is falling and doesn't know it. 

So in order to evaluate how badly I have fallen I decided to run a checklist culled from my definition and see how I measure up. 

1.  Moves to America and tries to find an apartment where loads of Indians live. They won't mind the food smell so much.
   Check. Partially correct but because the place where tons of Indians were living had no vacancy, I'm in a marginally more diverse place. 
2. Has a Vonage connection to call family.
   Check
3. One of the first things bought by them is an iPhone
   Check
4. Abuses the quality of Indian food in the Indian restaurants and ends up eating in one once a week at the least anyway.
   Check
5. Drives a Japanese or German car.
   Check
6. Must see places are: New York, Florida, Las Vegas in no particular order.
   Haven't fallen for this trap. Yet. 
7.  This one doesn't apply to me because it's an observation about guys in their mid to late twenties, typically on long terms projects: Moves to America, value in marriage market goes up as duly noted on their biodata by specifying type of visa and salary in dollars. After a year or two gets sick and bored of doing household chores and cooking and being lonely, goes back to India for 10 days, sees 40 girls, picks one to marry/someone agrees to marry him, brings her to America on a dependent visa and proceeds to daily enjoy a 3 course homemade lunch in office from then on. 
8. Is in terror of his/her clothes smelling like Indian spices and has a wholesale stock of Febreeze at any given point in time.
   More or less!
9. At least one weekend a month the day's activities consist of mostly: Calling India for a few hours from aforesaid Vonage connection, spending  2 hours in Walmart, 1 hour in the Indian grocery store, watching the pirated DVD of the latest Hindi movie
   Not guilty of too many of these except the India calling
10. Will make the maximum use of facilities like public libraries, rec areas and state parks, community centers and all such places which are funded by 'their' tax dollars.
    Hell yes

Disconnected thoughts on a rainy saturday

I've become addicted to coffee brewed from freshly ground beans. Bye bye sleep.

Currently topping my list of 'stuff I detest' -  wall to wall carpet.


I am suffering from monochromatic disorder  - beige walls, beige blinds, beige carpet and beige doors are about to drive me to do serious harm to myself.

Oh public transport! Where art thou?
 
Never, ever, ever rent a basement apartment. Ever.

I thought not buying a TV would mean I would waste less time watching mostly nonsensical material on it. I didn't account for Youtube and Netflix.


Die chain stores die! Where is a kirana store when you need one. Free delivery, I miss you.